As I’ve written before, when my daughter was born I thought she was the “icing on the cake” in my life. I already had a wonderful son. I would have been happy with another boy, but having a girl was “icing on the cake” because I wanted a daughter.
That daughter grew up and now has children of her own—two girls. Her older daughter is three, and her younger turned one last week.
For many years, I wondered if I would ever have grandchildren at all. Then came Granddaughter #1, who is a joy and a blessing. Wanting to be part of her life was a major reason my husband and I moved to Seattle.
Shortly after we moved, I learned that Granddaughter #2 was on the way. She was a surprise—but a wonderful one. I had been content with one granddaughter, but the news of a second felt like yet another layer of icing on the cake, another unexpected blessing.
Although I was very happy as a grandmother to one little girl, from the moment the second granddaughter was born, it has been almost impossible to imagine our family without her. She has been a happy baby, willing to snuggle and smile. She has the funniest hair and the biggest blue eyes, a five-toothed grin and a belly laugh when she is amused. She watches Big Sister and the dog as if they’re the best entertainment ever. She fits right in—as child and grandchild and sibling—as if she were meant to be a part of our family.
As these girls’ grandmother, I find myself remembering my years as a young mother of two. Every child changes a family, and a second child changes it in ways that are both delightful and complicated. With one child, the parents outnumber the child. When my own kids were toddlers and preschoolers, I used to joke that with one child, at least one parent could have a good time while the other managed the child. With two, the balance shifts: each parent is usually responsible for one child. (And heaven help families with more than two kids—I grew up in a family of four, though my siblings and I were spread over more than a decade.)
The addition of another child not only changes the relationships between parents and children, but now there are relationships between siblings to consider as well. In this case, Granddaughter #1 has adapted pretty easily to being a big sister. She usually treats her younger sister with kindness and gentleness. The older older one helps the younger, and the younger looks up to the older.
But Granddaughter #2 is no longer a baby. She started walking the week before her birthday, and their interactions are beginning to shift. Little Sister can now reach Big Sister’s things more easily, which means Big Sister has to adapt yet again.
And Granddaughter #2, once such an easygoing infant, has begun to assert her own personality. She isn’t always a happy baby anymore. She has opinions now—strong ones. When she wants something, she wants it immediately. When she doesn’t want something, she wants it gone just as fast. Icing on the cake, it turns out, is not always pure sugar—sometimes it has a little tang.
Granddaughter #2’s first birthday was, of course, a milestone in her development—a celebration of how much she has grown and changed in just one year. On her birthday, Granddaughter #2’s father stood her in the doorway where Big Sister’s height measurements are recorded and recorded Little Sister’s height for the first time.
A first birthday is also a celebration of what a child gives to the people who love her. Granddaughter #2 may not have been anticipated, but she has become deeply loved. Like the very best kind of icing, she hasn’t simply made things sweeter—she has made the whole cake better.
What was your reaction to a new child—a sibling, a child, a grandchild—coming into your life?
